Grief Has No Destination
All aboard and welcome to the journey of grief. A journey that has no final destination to reach because GRIEF has no destination.
No one is prepared to board the train when grief shows up and this unwelcome journey begins. There are so many unexpected stops along the way and as much as one might wish for there to be a some sort of destination to reach, there is no specific end to grief. That can feel both discouraging and overwhelming as you try to push forward each and every day.
I used to think there was a destination when grieving. A place to arrive. And, if I pushed hard enough and did all the “right things”, I would eventually get to the other side.
But, I quickly learned that there is no other side. Not really. There were times when I thought I was traveling forward and heading towards a specific destination only to find myself back where I started. I felt defeated, lost and confused all at the same time. It was hard to find calm in the middle of so much uncertainty.
Unfortunately, I realized that there is no other side and there is no pushing through to arrive at a final spot to let go of my grief. There is only pushing forward while fighting through a tangled web of emotions that are constantly erupting and at times, stubbornly get in the way of moving forward.
In grief, there is only absorbing it and learning to somehow hold it deep inside for the long haul.
There is learning to grow in and around your grief and some days it will still feel bigger than you. It’s all part of the process. There is an element of adjusting as you dig deep to try and flow with so many unimaginable changes in your life.
Sadly, grief isn’t a short trip or a drive around the block. If only that could be true. It is a long road to travel with lots of potholes, rough terrain, ups and downs.
When we as human beings, board the train of grief, it can be an unsettling and lonely time. There are so many unknown stops to make and even with a good support system, so many of the stops must in part, be done alone.
But, there is no way to avoid it. Everyone will board the train of grief at some point in life.
There may not be a final destination in grief but it can and does get easier. You can eventually find detours around the constant exhaustion and pain. There is space for both joy and grief to exist at the same time and when you are ready, the scenery will let more light in and change.
I know it is hard. Grief hurts and it’s not something you can pack away and leave behind. It becomes an extension of yourself and like it or not, you will carry it wherever you go.
It’s a constant travel companion and while there will be plenty of days when your grief is loud and bold, there will also be days when your companion silently rests in your heart. And, hopefully, you can get some much needed rest too!
I know it can feel overwhelming to think about no endpoint or destination when it comes to your grief. But, it is my hope you will find ways to carry it with you as you travel forward and fight to rebuild your life. It’s not an easy path but it’s a doable one.
Be patient with yourself. Give yourself tons of grace, self-compassion and love. Be gentle with your heart and don’t fall prey to the unrealistic expectations society tends to throw out.
Find people who are supportive and will keep showing up at the different stops you will make along the way. Some people will board the train with you and stay, while others, get off and go the other way.
You CAN do this. You are loved and your grief matters. Always. I’m here to listen and try to help.
With love and compassion,
Michele