Loss, Grief, and Jigsaw Puzzles
Grief is messy. It’s complicated and it definitely doesn’t travel in a straight line. And after a devastating loss, the contents of life are turned upside down and scattered all about. The world suddenly feels like a massive jigsaw puzzle. A puzzle that’s no longer intact and doesn’t fit together anymore.
And to make it worse, the world keeps spinning and moving even though your life has completely changed and come to a stop.
There are so many missing pieces and for those who grieve, it’s easy to feel left behind and like you will never fit in again.
Losing a loved one is devastating and the changes after loss are deep and profound. Nothing makes sense and the missing pieces in your life are impossible to ignore.
The early days, weeks and months after a heartbreaking loss are filled with uncertainty, sadness and fear. Nothing feels quite right and everything feels wrong.
Life feels overwhelming after loss and to find the energy to rebuild and find ways to put the pieces back together again often feels like an impossible thing to do.
You may always have pieces in your life that are gone. Pieces that will never be found and can’t be replaced. And that’s okay.
So, knowing that painful truth, how do you put your life back together after a life-changing loss? How do you rebuild when so many pieces of your life are missing, have changed or are forever gone?
I wish I had a magical answer but the truth is, there are no magical answers and grief isn’t something to be fixed.
With that being said, it is possible to rebuild a life blown apart by loss. Piece by piece, you can build a new and different foundation to grow from and stand upon.
Easy? No. Possible? Yes.
There are no maps to follow and putting together a new life puzzle will look different for everyone. Here are a few things to keep in mind:
Life will feel and look different but it can be good again.
There will always be missing pieces after a devastating loss. Pieces that can’t be replaced. That’s okay and with time, you will adapt and find ways to live life again.
It’s okay to not always be okay. Give yourself time and space to feel it all and give yourself permission to grieve.
Don’t compare your loss, grief or missing pieces to anyone else. Everyone’s grief matters and so does yours.
You will always miss your loved one. There will always be something missing and there will always be a hole in your heart. You will always miss them because of love.
It’s possible to move forward in life even though pieces of your life are gone. It’s when you can learn to integrate the loss into your life that you will find ways to carry your grief and slowly fit back in to the world.
The volume of grief won’t always be as loud as it is right now. With time, grief softens and the intensity will turn down.
Grief and joy can exist in the same space and you deserve to find pockets of joy and happiness after everything you have been through.
Take each moment and each day as it comes. Every day will be different and there will be days when you need lots of grace.
As you rebuild, be extra kind to yourself and remember the importance of self-care.
Lean on others when everything feels so heavy you can’t carry it all alone. There are so many people who are grieving in the world. People have missing pieces just like you and will show up for you with compassion.
Continue to meet yourself right where you are and need to be. Your puzzle won’t look the same as it did before and it’s difficult to meet the expectations of others when pieces of you and your old life are missing and so many things have changed.
I know this is hard in ways that are difficult to explain. And I know there will be days when you feel like the only thing you can do is crawl through the day just trying to survive.
But I also want you to hold onto hope. Hope for better days ahead. Hope that you won’t always feel as awful as you do right now. Hope that the pain of grief will soften.
Grief is messy and if you feel like your life is a scattered jigsaw puzzle that can never be put back together again, hang on. Don’t give up and with grace, find the courage to keep moving one step at a time. Your life may be different but piece by piece, you can rebuild.
Be curious and remember, as ugly as grief can be, grief is a beautiful testament to love.
I’m holding space for you. Always.
Michele