Love Is Greater Than Loss – We Grieve Because We Loved

Love is one of the most powerful things in the world. It is, in part, because of love that we often grieve so hard. Grief is huge and it sometimes takes up so much space in our hearts that is feels like there is no more room; for anything.

But, LOVE is bigger.

It is important to remember that you are most likely grieving because you loved someone so much. To truly love another human being is a beautiful gift that in the end is far sweeter than the bitter taste of death.

Losing someone you love will lead to a broken heart. Immersed in the pools of grief, there will be days when you can barely keep your head above water and there will be days when it feels hard to breathe. Grief ebbs and flows but it always remains. Once you have lost someone you love, grief becomes a part of who you are and quite honestly life is never quite the same.

Where would we be if we lived our lives without the power of love. Human beings need connection and love is one of the greatest connections of all. Without love life would cease to exist. We don’t love others because we will have them in our lives forever. We won’t. People will leave and people will die. It is a harsh reality in life, but true.

Love never goes away. We keep loving even though it sometimes hurts and even though it means we sometimes have to lose.  Love makes us stronger and it makes us better human beings. It teaches us, guides us, changes who we are and shapes who we can become.

People will say that it hurts too much to love and sadly, some people will emotionally close their hearts and shut down. Love is scary and will sometimes lead to pain. Like many things in life, there are no guarantees and if you love you will eventually walk down a path that leads to grief and pain.

Grief is hard but to not have loved or to not be loved back is harder.  It is because we love others so much that our hearts must sometimes break into a million little pieces when they are gone. Grief becomes a part of who we are because love was a part of who we are. It is impossible to have one without the other.

Love means that we are willing to take a risk, open our hearts and accept that it won’t last forever. But in the end it is still worth it. Every last tear we will shed from a broken heart and our grief is worth it; if we had the gift of love. Grief will always be a part of you but broken hearts can heal and you can find your way back to love and joy.

If you are grieving, my heart goes out to you. Allow your tears to fall. Grieve and heal your heart. Be patient with yourself and have faith that while life is different, life can be beautiful again. Run towards your pain and grief instead of running away from it.  Courage is within all of us but it is okay to feel broken and weak.  If you need help, ask for it; people do care. Forgive. Live in gratitude; there is always something to be grateful for even when things are hard. Help others; there are a lot of people grieving in this world. Hang on to hope; without love and hope things will feel very dark.

Grief is so damn hard and it hurts really bad. Don’t let anyone tell you it doesn’t hurt or that you are grieving in the wrong way, because that is a lie. But remember this, you are grieving because you had something amazing in this life that everyone wants and everyone needs. You are grieving because you had the special and sacred gift of loving another human being so much. No one can take that away from you.

Love is powerful. It sustains people in life and in a brutal but beautiful way it continues to sustain people in loss and death. Never give up on love.

 

In Peace and With Love,

Michele

 

 

3 Responses

  • 23 February 2021

    Greetings Michelle DeVille,

    Thank you for receiving and reading this communication, it written from an encounter yesterday in which I hoped wouldn’t have come to light

    Please know your for the inspirational words on love and grief. Although I’m just reading the word written in 2017, it still applies universally as of today. Yesterday I’m with some other members of my family had the unfortunate task of comforting and consoling my niece.

    She sent an e-mail and it seemed as and indirect plea for help in the loss of of her husband of five months. I really didn’t know what to say to her, since it seemed the marriage was hastily nuptials and questionable by my sister (her mother.) It was a millennial generational gathering, I’m told only her father and brother attended, other family was taken by surprise and had not much or any time to react or participate.

    It was over and done, perhaps its due to the the need to wear masks and social distancing and ongoing Covid 19 protocols. She finally replied in January to an e-mail sent dated in August regarding the postponement of family reunion. I was glad of her reply and felt disappointed she made no remarks of he wedding in October,
    For me it would have been an on-ramp to congratulate her. Even though I asked the question to my sister “what ever happened to engagements?” Perhaps Know my sister she obligated my inquiry to her daughter. Of course I never mentioned her marriage since she didn’t, it was all about the family reunion in 2021.

    As she talked in of in this veil of grasping for help, it brought tears to my eyes as I could see some resemblance of my mother crying for my father who in my mind’s eye abandon her. She would go in her bedroom and cry, talking to whom us children didn’t know, but gradually understood as we got older she was praying. After crying and praying. There would a time of silence as she emerged as unbroken giving orders to do chores. Yet, I could still see vestige of sadness and lost beneath the her will power as she would sit on the poach swing, looking into the far horizon to move forward in raising us children. She was teaching us how to be resilient

    After my niece seemed she could no longer go on without her husband, I could only think of saying all is not lost, there are more chapters to unfold, this is only the step to another beginning and resistance. To she had me on pause to take a call for her girlfriend who was traveling some distance to be with her. In the meantime I had to telephoned her mother, my sister to let her know it was mother daughter (truce) time, to save one another in anguish but in love.

    Late in the evening I e-mailed her as follow up since she had her phone on voice mail. Reminding her of the idea to have loved was the key, she was the Blessing to her husband. And she could find another light in her life, giving the adage when one
    close another opens, don’t spend time looking at closed but look to the other the many opening doors. She responded asking questions about her ancestors and grandmothers courage and fortitude.

    Thank you for allowing me to share this reply and story encounter with my niece.
    Take care and be well.

    G. Jah Van Milz
    Curator and Fine Artist
    NYC

    P. S. With you permission, I would like to send her a copy of the of August 11, 2017

  • “But remember this, you are grieving because you had something amazing in this life that everyone wants and everyone needs.” – Very true. The problem is that she is gone but the need is still there.

  • Michele, thank you so much for such beautiful words. I lost my sister a few weeks ago am just now beginning to grieve. I shared this on my timeline as many are grieving over the loss of Kobe Bryant along with his family and friends. What I’ve learned is that someone is always grieving it’s just a matter of whom they loved and loss. Many blessings to you and your family.

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