I Have So Many Balls In The Air I Can’t See The Sky
I was talking to one of my best friends earlier this week and she said something that stuck with me. She said, “I have so many balls in the air, I can’t see the sky.”
Wow. What a powerful statement and I couldn’t help but think about how overwhelming grief can be when I hung up the phone.
When a significant loss slams into our predictable and comfortable world, life tips on its side and in most cases, it completely turns upside down.
Nothing feels right and everything feels wrong.
Loss and the grief that shows up leaves all that once felt safe and organized scattered in broken pieces all over the floor. It is messy and there is no easy way to clean it up.
Suddenly, life feels like a tangled ball of emotions and no matter how hard you might try to find a balance and make sense of the mess, people often find themselves attempting to juggle several tangled balls in the air. And all at the same time.
How could grief not be overwhelming?
I continue to drift back to the vision of so many balls in the air you can’t see the sky and when I think of my own grief experiences, I can relate to the feeling of not being able to see the sky.
Grief is blinding. Cloudy. And it can be hard to hang on to even the slightest piece of clarity for the shortest periods of time.
There are so many things to manage in the web of grief. It can feel as if you are thrown into a maze and as hard as you search, there are no maps to guide you out.
Life doesn’t stop when grief shows up and the world keeps spinning round and round when it feels as if your life has come to a complete stop. And in some ways it has.
But here’s the thing. The emotions of grief are not the only balls in the air. Grief is not the only thing to manage and that along with everything else is a heavy load to bear.
There are kids to take care of. Bills to pay. Shopping to do. Dogs to walk. Clothes to be washed. Meals to cook. Cleaning to do. Job responsibilities to fulfill.
And what about self-care? Taking a shower. Going for a walk? Talking to a friend. Going out to lunch. Getting plenty of rest or taking a nap?
“I have so many balls in the air, I can’t see the sky.”
Some of the “balls” can be delegated or ignored but not for long. Grieving or not, life has its demands.
There will be days when it feels impossible. Grief is exhausting and it can be a full-time job so how does one balance all of the other jobs we as human beings are expected to manage and do?
I wish I had a crystal clear path for you to follow or a personal assistant that could help you out for awhile. But the truth is, there are no easy answers when it comes to managing the grips of grief in the middle of it all.
It is important to try to find ways to let go of some of the balls so you can look up, catch your breath and take in the clear blue sky.
If grief has become a part of your life and you are struggling to find balance, here are a few things to keep in mind:
People like to help and especially when a loved one is going through a hard time. Lean on your tribe. I know it’s hard to ask for help but I can promise you there are friends and family looking for things they can do for you. Let them. Allow them to grocery shop, cook a meal or take the kids to the park.
Learn to say no. It can be hard to turn things down or say no but it is necessary for your well-being. Set boundaries and recognize when you are overloaded and need to take a step back from everything.
Stop trying to do it all. You are one person and you are grieving. Give yourself a break and remember there is no such thing as perfection. Set your priorities and let the rest go. For today.
If you have to go back to work, be honest with your boss. Let them know how you are really doing and if you need to take a break.
Carve out time (even if it’s short) for yourself every single day. Self-care is so important when grieving. Do something you love or that brings you joy.
Drink plenty of water and try to nourish your body with healthy foods. Stay away from vices that are going to make you feel worse.
There is healing in connection. Spend time with friends or family. Find people you trust and who are willing to listen.
Get outside. Nature is a powerful and natural healer.
Remember - you are human and it’s okay to have a bad day. It’s okay to cry or to not be okay. You are grieving and you need to allow yourself to feel all that you need to feel.
Be kind to yourself every step of the way.
I have a vision of balloons in the sky versus balls and how nice would it be if we could just run around and pop them one by one until things feel lighter to carry and we can soak in the beauty of the sky.
Perhaps it’s not that simple but it is my hope that you can find balance in the midst of your grief. That you can let go of some of the many balls you are trying to juggle and create space to do things that promote healing and bring you joy.
I’m sorry you are hurting and I’m sorry you are carrying grief in your heart. It may feel extra heavy right now but it won’t always feel this bad. You can learn to carry it forward and to grow around your grief one step at a time.
And - perhaps as the sharp edges of grief eventually softens, you won’t have so many balls in the air and you can see more stars sending you love and light from the sky.
With Love and Compassion,
Michele